I've been given some information about two websites that might be useful for people in Cheshire reading this blog.
www.kooth.com is a free online counselling service for young people aged between 11 and 19. Just register with the site and you can book free online sessions with one of their counsellors.
www.help4me.info is a site crammed with information about free support services for all ages. Areas covered include Cheshire, Lancashire, Merseyside and Liverpool.
Tuesday, 24 April 2007
Thursday, 19 April 2007
Should we talk about suicide?
I am sure that the majority of people reading this newsletter have known someone who has died, a family member, friend or colleague, a neighbour or acquaintance. A loss or bereavement is likely to be a difficult journey but why is suicide so much harder?
If someone has a physical illness then we somehow feel more comfortable talking about it but what if that person is deeply troubled emotionally how do we react then?
Would you be able to sit and listen and talk to someone who was telling you that they had thought of ending it all? Not wanting to live.
What feelings would that evoke in you? Fear? Panic? Out of your depth? All these would be quite normal, the responsibility of another's life?
Perhaps, as you read this, you are able to question your own thoughts and even prejudices about suicide. Where have they come from? Is suicide the ‘easy way out’ ? A cowardly act? Suicide is still a taboo subject but why?
Perhaps because in our social psyche up until 1961 it was still a criminal act, to ’commit suicide’ (1993 in Rep. Of Ireland). Our attitudes today have been influenced through history because of different cultures and religions.
Through Sashnet we want to challenge peoples thoughts about suicide, not hide away from them but to help those that are feeling desperate know that there is someone out there who can listen and hear them. Could that person be you?
If someone has a physical illness then we somehow feel more comfortable talking about it but what if that person is deeply troubled emotionally how do we react then?
Would you be able to sit and listen and talk to someone who was telling you that they had thought of ending it all? Not wanting to live.
What feelings would that evoke in you? Fear? Panic? Out of your depth? All these would be quite normal, the responsibility of another's life?
Perhaps, as you read this, you are able to question your own thoughts and even prejudices about suicide. Where have they come from? Is suicide the ‘easy way out’ ? A cowardly act? Suicide is still a taboo subject but why?
Perhaps because in our social psyche up until 1961 it was still a criminal act, to ’commit suicide’ (1993 in Rep. Of Ireland). Our attitudes today have been influenced through history because of different cultures and religions.
Through Sashnet we want to challenge peoples thoughts about suicide, not hide away from them but to help those that are feeling desperate know that there is someone out there who can listen and hear them. Could that person be you?
Book review: Healing the Hurt Within, by Jan Sutton
Healing the Hurt Within, by Jan Sutton.
Published (2nd edition) October 2005. Pathways: How to Books, Oxford
"It is a book of hope, healing, courage, and enlightenment – not just for those who self-injure or self-harm and their supporters, but for everyone concerned with the growing issue of self-injury – that should be all of us."
It's a behaviour with many names - self-injury, self-harm, self-mutilation, self-inflicted violence, self-cutting and self-abuse to name some. It's a puzzling and perplexing phenomenon, which shocks and frightens those who encounter it. Research has shown that it frequently goes hand-in-hand with eating disorders, alcohol and drug abuse, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and dissociate disorders. Those who self harm find it difficult to stop because of its addictive nature, or are reluctant to try because they say it helps them 'feel better,' 'more in control,' 'more alive or real,' or that it inhibits suicidal thoughts. In this revised and expanded second edition, Jan Sutton draws on the testimonies of those trapped in the cycle of self-injury, and former self-injurers, as well as the latest research and developments in the field. It is a book designed to offer help and support to self-injurers; understanding to the self-injurer's family and friends; and insight to volunteers and professionals.
Published (2nd edition) October 2005. Pathways: How to Books, Oxford
"It is a book of hope, healing, courage, and enlightenment – not just for those who self-injure or self-harm and their supporters, but for everyone concerned with the growing issue of self-injury – that should be all of us."
It's a behaviour with many names - self-injury, self-harm, self-mutilation, self-inflicted violence, self-cutting and self-abuse to name some. It's a puzzling and perplexing phenomenon, which shocks and frightens those who encounter it. Research has shown that it frequently goes hand-in-hand with eating disorders, alcohol and drug abuse, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and dissociate disorders. Those who self harm find it difficult to stop because of its addictive nature, or are reluctant to try because they say it helps them 'feel better,' 'more in control,' 'more alive or real,' or that it inhibits suicidal thoughts. In this revised and expanded second edition, Jan Sutton draws on the testimonies of those trapped in the cycle of self-injury, and former self-injurers, as well as the latest research and developments in the field. It is a book designed to offer help and support to self-injurers; understanding to the self-injurer's family and friends; and insight to volunteers and professionals.
Poem for Everyone
I will present you
parts
of
myself
slowly
if you are patient and tender.
I will open drawers
that mostly stay closed
and bring out places and people and things.
Sounds and smells, loves and frustrations,
hopes and sadnessess,
bits and pieces of three decades of life
that have been grabbed off
in chunks
and found lying in my hands,
they have eaten
their way into my memory.
Carved their way into my heart.
Altogether - you or I will never see them -
they are me.
If you regard them lightly,
deny that they are important
or worse, judge them.
I will quietly, slowly
begin to wrap them up, in small pieces of velvet,
like worn silver and gold jewellery,
tuck them away
in a small wooden chest of drawers a
and close.
Written by a survivor of abuse: courtesy of Survive, Crewe
parts
of
myself
slowly
if you are patient and tender.
I will open drawers
that mostly stay closed
and bring out places and people and things.
Sounds and smells, loves and frustrations,
hopes and sadnessess,
bits and pieces of three decades of life
that have been grabbed off
in chunks
and found lying in my hands,
they have eaten
their way into my memory.
Carved their way into my heart.
Altogether - you or I will never see them -
they are me.
If you regard them lightly,
deny that they are important
or worse, judge them.
I will quietly, slowly
begin to wrap them up, in small pieces of velvet,
like worn silver and gold jewellery,
tuck them away
in a small wooden chest of drawers a
and close.
Written by a survivor of abuse: courtesy of Survive, Crewe
Why Self Harm?
Self –harm or self-injury is a behavioural response to an emotional state. It isn’t usually done to annoy, irritate or anger those around them. Most people can’t imagine themselves doing such a destructive act towards their own body. So what makes some one want to physically hurt themselves?
Perhaps by understanding what coping skills are absent in someone we can be more open to understanding the reasons why…...
(Quotes taken from www.siari.co.uk)
Perhaps by understanding what coping skills are absent in someone we can be more open to understanding the reasons why…...
- ‘I can’t handle my emotions very well, I need to hurt myself to make me feel better.’
- ‘Sometimes it’s a way of releasing the anxiety and panic that I’m feeling.’
- ‘It’s a way of punishing myself for whatever, at that moment I feel I need to be punished for.’
- ‘I like feeling that its me causing the pain and not someone else.’
- ‘Its like letting off steam, it stops the inner turmoil for a while.’
- ‘Because I hate myself, the way I look.’
- ‘It’s easier to hurt myself than talk to someone else about how I feel.’
- ‘I don’t know why I do it – it scares me – but most of the time I feel so angry – with myself.’
- ‘It grounds me, gives me a sense of relief and calmness.’
- ‘I love to watch myself bleed, it relieves stress… makes me feel happy.’
- ‘To get my mind off ending my life. It’s the only way I stay alive.’
- ‘Sometimes I do it just to see the blood and know that I am still alive.’
- ‘To punish myself for being a bad person.’
- ‘I feel lost, inadequate, incompetent, unworthy. I wish this would go away.’
- ‘I do it because I can’t get mad at other people.’
(Quotes taken from www.siari.co.uk)
Wednesday, 18 April 2007
Our changing cultures…. de-stigmatising self-mutilation.
Today we change our bodies in many ways as has been done throughout history, piercing, tattoos, hair colouring, hair straightening, cosmetic surgery etc. Is this a form of self-harming?
Most people would say no but if we then look to other cultures a different picture emerges. In Aboriginal cultures self-injury carries a very different symbolic meaning. Self-wounding at times of sorrow i.e. bereavement, was a way of releasing the pain of emotion from being trapped in the mind or body and brought it into the physical level. Wounding also allows spirit energy to enter the body and force out or replace inner darkness.
These wounds could be deep and the remaining scar a permanent physical expression in memory of the deceased. Is this so very different from what we consider self-harming, to be a way of coping with inner pain and anguish. A way of release. The difference in our cultures is that the Aborigines see their cuts as a display of inner strength and courage, in our culture it is treated with fear and misunderstanding and so often done secretly and kept hidden.
Most people would say no but if we then look to other cultures a different picture emerges. In Aboriginal cultures self-injury carries a very different symbolic meaning. Self-wounding at times of sorrow i.e. bereavement, was a way of releasing the pain of emotion from being trapped in the mind or body and brought it into the physical level. Wounding also allows spirit energy to enter the body and force out or replace inner darkness.
These wounds could be deep and the remaining scar a permanent physical expression in memory of the deceased. Is this so very different from what we consider self-harming, to be a way of coping with inner pain and anguish. A way of release. The difference in our cultures is that the Aborigines see their cuts as a display of inner strength and courage, in our culture it is treated with fear and misunderstanding and so often done secretly and kept hidden.
Some useful numbers
Samaritans | 24-hour confidential listening service |
| Saneline phone: 08450 76708000 web: www.sane.org.uk | A national out-of-hours telephone line for anyone, including carers, needing help including information and support |
| NHS Direct phone: 0845 46 47 web: www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk | NHS telephone advice line |
| CLASP phone: 01270 250629 | lone parent support |
| Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service phone: 01270 253841 | |
| Bristol Crisis Service helpline: 0117 925 9600 office: 0117 925 1119 web: www.users.zetnet.co.uk/bcsw | support for women |
| National self-harm network web: www.nshn.co.uk | useful links and good resource for publications |
| SOBS (survivors of bereavement by suicide) national helpline: 0870 2413337 web: www.uk-sobs.org.uk | Local support group meets at CVS Crewe every 2nd Wednesday of each month. Contact Hilary on 01270 652061 |
| v i s y o n phone: 01260 290000 | Young peoples support and counselling service (age 11-25) |
| YoungMinds phone: 0800 018 2138 web: www.youngminds.org.uk | National charity for improving the mental health of children, including a parents information service. |
| Mind helpline: 0845 766 0163 Winsford office: 01606 863305 Stoke-on-Trent office: 01782 262100 web: www.mind.org.uk | Offers advice and help on a range of mental health issues |
| Childline phone: 0800 1111 web: www.childline.org.uk | free phone number - helpline for under 18's in distress |
| Papyrus phone: 01706 214449 web: www.papyrus-uk.org | Prevention of young suicide |
| HOPELineUK phone: 0870 170 4000 | Professional advice, helping you prevent young suicide. |
| The Hope Street Centre phone: 01270 764003 web: www.hopestreetcentre.co.uk | Independent counselling and psychotherapy service for people of all ages. |
Myths Around Suicide
People that talk about it don’t take their own lives.
Warnings are often given by those who intend to kill themselves
Suicide occurs mainly among the rich/ the poor…..
Suicide occurs in all groups in society.
If someone is feeling suicidal it is a sign of mental illness
It is often a sign of deep despair or unhappiness which is not necessarily mental illness.
Suicidal people are intent on dying.
Often a suicidal person is ambivalent as to whether they live or die.
Some desire to live is retained but death appears the only solution, a way to escape the pain.
Suicide is seen as a choice.
Often there is no choice, there seems no other option.
Suicide is more common in young men.
The highest growth area for suicide is young men aged 18 - 24 but older men are at the highest risk of taking there own lives.
Warnings are often given by those who intend to kill themselves
Suicide occurs mainly among the rich/ the poor…..
Suicide occurs in all groups in society.
If someone is feeling suicidal it is a sign of mental illness
It is often a sign of deep despair or unhappiness which is not necessarily mental illness.
Suicidal people are intent on dying.
Often a suicidal person is ambivalent as to whether they live or die.
Some desire to live is retained but death appears the only solution, a way to escape the pain.
Suicide is seen as a choice.
Often there is no choice, there seems no other option.
Suicide is more common in young men.
The highest growth area for suicide is young men aged 18 - 24 but older men are at the highest risk of taking there own lives.
How did Sashnet start?
The short answer is, on a garden wall, on a sunny autumn day in 2003.
The longer answer is that a group of us travelled to Northwich from all over mid-Cheshire for a meeting of the Suicide Prevention Group. It was a group that had been tottering from meeting to meeting, with most of its good intentions unfulfilled. This meeting, 21st October, was an utter disaster. Neither the chairman arrived, nor did supporting papers. We, a rump of service users and volunteers, made our disheartened way out of the building, to be met by a grinning Gareth asking,
”What’s up?”
We explained. The decision was made to have an impromptu meeting to talk it over, sitting on a parsonage wall. We; Peter, Margaret, Trisha, Brian and Gareth, decided that, somehow, we would continue trying to do something to highlight problems, without resources and without any grand plan. But its begun to work as you may read from the following posts.
The longer answer is that a group of us travelled to Northwich from all over mid-Cheshire for a meeting of the Suicide Prevention Group. It was a group that had been tottering from meeting to meeting, with most of its good intentions unfulfilled. This meeting, 21st October, was an utter disaster. Neither the chairman arrived, nor did supporting papers. We, a rump of service users and volunteers, made our disheartened way out of the building, to be met by a grinning Gareth asking,
”What’s up?”
We explained. The decision was made to have an impromptu meeting to talk it over, sitting on a parsonage wall. We; Peter, Margaret, Trisha, Brian and Gareth, decided that, somehow, we would continue trying to do something to highlight problems, without resources and without any grand plan. But its begun to work as you may read from the following posts.
Hold on to what is good
Hold on to what is good
Even if it is a handful of earth
Hold on to what you believe in
Even if it is a tree which stands by itself
Hold on to what you must do
Even if it is a long way from here
Hold on to life
Even if it is easier to let go
Hold on to my hand
Even when I have gone away
Pueblo Indian prayer
Introducing Sashnet
Sashnet is a group of people who meet to talk about self harm and suicide. We are based in South Cheshire, England. Some of us work as therapists, some health professionals, others are volunteers and some attend because of personal interest.
We aim to promote a compassionate, informed response within the local community with issues around suicide and self harm. We are brought together by a wish to take these issues seriously, and to develop our own awareness and understanding.
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